Below are a few tips that I have written for men and women on how to not come off looking like a pathetic ass hole or a desperate hooker to the people by whom you’d like to be considered adequate enough for potential dating.
Based on my personal first hand experiences, I have a list of my Top 5 Tips for Guys and my Top 5 Tips for Girls. Here it goes:
1) Never Mention Any "Private" Part of Human Anatomy:
-Do not tell me that I have nice boobs or how big you think your penis is. If it's covered by a bathing suite, don't bring it up. This is not adult-friend-finder, and I am not cattle waiting to be graded. If you are trying to get laid by a stranger, then you must be confused as to where you are and plentyoffish.com is not the site for you. No exceptions. You will be blocked.
2) Don’t Post a Cell Phone Mirror Self Portrait:
-Okay, your arms have a little muscle tone. We get it. However, you look like a friendless prick who has no one willing to photograph him let alone enough social skills to actually have decent pictures of himself taken in public, by other people. This rule especially applies to photos taken in dirty mirrors by people in scary environments.
3) Don’t Flaunt Your Financial Status or Belongings:
-It’s not acceptable to post pictures of something you own that you want to use to make people think you’re wealthy or super cool. Your Honda motorcycle or your 1992 BMW isn’t going to increase your chances of getting a date with any respectable human being, so don’t waste your time (or ours) uploading the photos. People with a lot of money are too busy making it or spending it to waste time trying to make people think they're rich.
4) Don’t Ask For Personal Information Initially:
-Do not ask for my number or what my plans for the evening are in the first few messages. It's none of your business and you will be ignored. Just because I have an online dating profile doesn’t mean I want to communicate with a bunch of strangers on the phone or that I’m desperately in need of people to hangout with. After time has passed, enough common interests have been expressed, and a friendly rapport has been established, THEN it’s Ok to ask for a date or my number.
5) Never Use Pet-Names With Someone You Haven't Met:
-Pet names are for people with whom you have a close personal relationship, or small animals and children. If you call me sugar, hunny, sweetie or anything along those lines in a message before I’ve even met you, we’re going to have a problem. I’m not a child or a puppy. Pet names are insulting. We aren’t at that level, so don’t pretend like we are. It's incredibly annoying.
Tips For the Ladies:
1)Half Naked Pictures Don't Get You Taken Seriously:
-People respect you at the same level that you respect yourself. If you post half naked, pouty lipped, X rated pics, then the buck stops there. You've deemed yourself a sexual object. You'll no longer be getting messages from sincere guys who’d like to get to know you, instead, you’ll be getting messages from horny guys that have some free time. Both possibilities usually exist simultaneously in most guys. It’s up to you which side they show, based on what side you choose to show of yourself.
2) Don’t Expect Success If You Message Him First:
-The same rule applies online as in the real world. A classy lady never chases or throws herself at a guy. No matter how hot or cool you think he is, it’s never a good idea for you to make the first move. As annoying and unfair as it is, men like to be the chaser.It's just how they evolved. Men enjoy the hunt. If you message him first, you take away all the fun of the chase and probably any chance of a lasting successful relationship, which doesn't mean that he isn't gong to try to sleep with you first, because he definitely will. You'll probably be considered an easy target.
3) Don’t Put Misleading Pictures on Your Profile:
-The old "bait and switch" trick never works. He's gonna notice. Don’t put pictures of yourself 4 years and 75 pounds ago on your profile and then be surprised when no one ever calls you after a first date. As shallow and unfair as it may be, posting inaccurate pictures of yourself is lying, and no one likes being lied to. Save yourself and him time and disappointment by posting pictures of yourself that show your beauty how it is today, not how it used to be.
4) Keep Your Broken Heart Sob Stories to Yourself:
-Everyone has their own baggage, no one needs yours. During the first stages of communication with a potential date, (i.e. on your profile),you should put your best foot forward. This is not the time or place to show how jaded you are or how mistreated you’ve been in the past. Don’t represent yourself as damaged goods, no one wants to deal with that. Bitter isn't a good look on anyone.
5) Don’t Say You Want a Man Who Isn’t After “One Thing”:
-Saying that you want to meet a man who wont try to sleep with you is stupid for a few reasons. First, any man you meet, especially in the dating world, probably wants to have sex with you. The only exception to this is if he’s gay or family. So, stop dreaming and realize that just because a man wants to sleep with you as soon as possible doesn’t mean you have to let him, and it doesn’t make him a bad guy. It’s not their fault. It’s in their DNA. So, just keep your legs closed until you're in an honest relationship. Problem solved. If all he wants is sex, and you don't give it to him right away, then he'll give up quickly and move on. They weed themselves out like that. It's magical.
I hope you've found these tips helpful. If you have broken any of these rules (or failed to use spell-check before clicking "save" or "send"), do yourself (and all the other single people experimenting with online dating) a huge favor and take all necessary corrective action immediately.
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. Feel free to get in contact with me with any questions, comments, or complaints that you may have about all of the stuff in this blog entry. And, like always, you’re welcome in advance.
You... are just awful. Nerdy, single, and awful. And it seems like you will remain that way for awhile.
ReplyDeleteAwful, nerdy, single, and very analytical and unbias when needed. All are attractive qualities that only a confident man would appreciate. This was a very good read.
ReplyDeleteNumber 3 for the ladies should also be on the men's list. They also like to live in the past.
ReplyDelete