7 Tips for Keeping Facebook Friends

7 Tips for Keeping Facebook Friends

How to not annoy people and keep your Facebook friends, by yours truly.

(It's ok for me to say these things because I'm guilty of most of them. LOL)

1. Don't like pictures of kittens to prove you love Jesus:

Jesus doesn't have Facebook. And even if he did, I really don't think he'd be using it to monitor cat pictures. It's a trap. Don't fall for that BS. Jesus reaps no financial benefit from your digital display of affection, but the Korean teenager that created the page to farm for likes and sell it, will. Not cool. Definitely not what Jesus would do if he really had Facebook.

2. Don't list everything you do:

It's not interesting. The quality of your sleep last night, the details of your shower, the temperature of your fruit loops= not important. If you feel a compulsion for such banality, then do us a favor. Go to the privacy settings and set that shit to "Only Me". That way it's on your timeline; just in case you forget your cheese type at Chipotle, AND no one hates your guts. It's win-win. On behalf of every single one of your Facebook friends, thank you.

3. Don't tell us when your baby takes a poo:

Baby's are great. Cute baby pics make me smile. However, there are some things about your experience as the parent of a young child that aren't meant for public consumption. You need to do all of social media kind a solid and praxtice self-censoring. I understand that these are special moments that are worth being remembered. Change your privacy settings to where only family and close friends can see the stinky stuff. It's the right thing to do.

4. Don't put anyone on blast in your Facebook status:

Your Facebook profile is not a tool of war so don't even try it. The classic saying from childhood still reigns true. What Sally says about Susie says more about Sally than it says about Susie. You may think you look clever or whatever, but talking junk in a Facebook post really only exposes you as a hater with no respect for boundaries.

5. Don't identify yourself with anything other that your first and last name:

You are not in the witness protection program, we are not on AIM anymore, you don't get a screen name. Your name is your name. Its 2013 it's a Facebook profile. You can be as coy as you want but people will still find you. Not using your real name on Facebook doesn't mean that your sister-in law hasn't already seen the pictures of you riding that bull in your tankini.

6. Don't incriminate yourself on Instagram:
We all have our moments. Just don't post a pic of yourself commiting a felony with a sepia filter and blurred purple edges. It's awkward. Keep your skeletons in the closet and your law breaking to yourself and off your timeline. hidden. Don't post pictures of yourself being foolish on the internet. Maybe it's just me, but I have no desire to have my grandma look over my shoulder and see your hot pink drawers. Its just not right. The world is small and embarrassing stuff travels fastest.

7. Don't post sad crap:

Of any kind. No one logs into Facebook for that. What's the point? Spreading sadness? It's like, I'm living my life, sitting on a bench, sipping diet mountain dew and, BAM! You throw a graphic pic of a half dead puppy in my face. That's not right. There's no point. Disturbing your Facebook friends won't help the puppy.

Before anyone feels the need to point it out, yes, I do spend a little time on Facebook. LOL